When you were first in love you probably held the hand off the one you were passionate about. Maybe it led to marriage, maybe not. Either way, there came a time when you didn’t hold hands any more. You grew up. Things moved on. You may have had children. If you did you will certainly have held their hands right from the start, during toddlerhood, perhaps into teenagery. Later in life when there were joys, sorrows, fears you put their hand in yours for reassurance. As someone you loved neared life’s end you maybe held their hand as much as you could.
When they had gone I’m sure well-meaning people told you that you had to ‘let go’. Such rubbish. Life isn’t only action, it is memories, too. Good memories are what prevent dementia.
Holding hands is both symbolic and strengthening. It shows support and transmits a feeling of commitment few other gestures can convey. Pictures of my sister Jane and I in early childhood always show us holding hands. The absence of parents, one dead and the other fighting for King and Country, left us a bit dependent on each other. We held hands to reassure ourselves. I have never lost that need for confirmation. Eliza and I hold hands a lot.
One of the excitements of ageing, and one of its worries, is that people change at every stage of life – and not in the same way or at the same pace. If you expect the person you see thirty years later to be just like the person you married you are in for a shock. You grow, and so do they, seldom identically. Both will be interesting developments but they won’t be similar. There will be a need for some points of continuity to keep the ‘better or worse’ firmly in place.
A small but useful one is holding hands.
Within the family and in somewhat intimate situations holding hands is understandable. Some cultures positively discourage touching others, especially outside the home, implying that it has suggestive or invasive implications. Cultures evolve slowly and there is no cause for them to make dramatic changes. However, the world is now more crowded – and in closer one-to-one communication than ever. Proximity is as much a threat, as social media regularly demonstrate, as a benefit. The reemergence of unions to protect the interests of labour and the rise of societies (secret and otherwise) to reassure the wealthy, make the point.
Companies are bigger and resort to systems and procedures, too often government imposed, with terrifying addiction. AI reinforces this lurch towards roboticism. It is likely that in thirty years time 95% of the population will be automatoms. To retain some humanity in this scenario will be the new evangelism.
I hope its symbol will be two holding hands.
Some people will say this is all claptrap. “We’re here to make money, not to encourage a kind and supportive life”. I can hear them say it, but will refrain from ascribing it.
I will, however, make a small point that they may have overlooked.
When President Harris and President Xi appear together on a Davos World Economic Platform, hand in hand, the Dow will go up 20% within twelve hours.
Holding hands is to keep us human.
It will also make us richer.
Good morning
John Bittleston
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It’s how we learn.
12 August 2024
