Several of my regular readers of The Daily Paradox have congratulated me on the restraint I have shown over offering President Trump advice. I now declare that the shackles of discretion have fallen from my shoulders and I can no longer refrain from stating the obvious. In doing so I must first categorically express my admiration for the sheer effronteric courage the President has shown in tackling everything from permafrost to permaflaw. Want a slice of Greenland or Canada or Panama? Call him after breakfast. Want to shatter the world economy? Give him a board and a felt-tip pen and your name will become Tariff.
But seek peace in a ‘bloodbath’ war and your patience may be tried a little further. This is where I feel some advice may not go astray. We all want peace – well, most of us do unless we are manufacturing arms or the accoutrements of battle. Or, presumably, if we are Finance Ministers struggling to balance the need for ‘slow down to cut the carbon’ and ‘grow fast to satisfy the rapacious promises of aspiring power seekers’.
Anyway, most of us want the peace President Trump promised.
He has admitted that he can’t do it. The needle on the recording President Putin is playing has got stuck in the groove. President Zelenskyy’s needle has got a lot sharper since his fracas in the Oval Office. It wasn’t the scathing remarks of the Vice President that were so upsetting. It was being banned from lunch. Note to President Trump: Rule No 1 in the Conduct Credo of Terrific Mentors International – “Never deny them lunch. It’s how you survive.”
The President has suggested that the right place for discussions now is The Vatican. Only a genius could come up with that. Moreover, if they have not yet taken down the chimney it could be used for “White smoke, Ukraine winning; Black smoke, Russia winning”.
However, I have to admit I do not think St Peter’s is the answer in this particular case. Conclavically slow, the pace Trump requires is more F1. So I suggest Guernsey, that beautiful, peaceful island offshore France, offshore UK – in fact offshore pretty well everywhere. I have a friend there who has negotiated most of the wealth of the world (as far as I can tell). I’m sure he could fit in some peacemaking if asked nicely. Good idea, Richard?
There’s one more thing I must say to round out this Special Advice.
My great age suggests that it won’t be too long before I shuffle off this mortal coil. I shouldn’t want to do so without giving President Trump a Proper Present. Since we have just given away the last mega aircraft my gift will have to be somewhat more modest. I propose therefore to leave President Trump my hearing aid when I die. I do this for two reasons.
First, I hope it will enable him to listen to some other people’s opinions.
Second, it will give me a legitimate chance to tell him to
STICK IT IN HIS EAR.
Good morning
John Bittleston
20 May 2025
