You lost your confidence at some time in your life. We all do. I remember vividly the times when I have lost my confidence. Some recur as nightmares and wake me up. Some remain lodged in the depths of my soul. Ceolfrid O’Hara, Meinrad Geohegan, Wilfrid Passmore, Francis Little, Gordon Albion, Antony Sutch all worked hard to bolster my confidence at times. All were priests, most of them rebellious. I give thanks to them and many other people too.
Several people are showing signs of lost confidence right now. It’s not just Trump, although he’s enough to jolt any peace of mind. It’s AI, quantum computing, territorial threats, looming nuclear war, climate dizzying its way out of control, amounts of international debt we cannot begin to even pronounce. All these uncertainties make the even keel of our earthly journey seem like an overcrowded migrant boat in a storm.
The phrase is ‘Lost confidence’. As defined by doctors, over the detection and containment of Covid, lost confidence is a phase of decision paralysis usually inspiring the words “Everything’s going to be alright”. These are not inevitably the precursor to disaster but they are more often than not.
Before you do anything else ask yourself who you really are. Be honest with yourself. Review your intellect, knowledge, skills, connections, qualifications, money. Write your assessment down. Keep it where you can easily see it from time to time.
Now write down what you really need that you don’t have. No castles in Spain, just the essentials you think you are missing and have a realistic chance of achieving. Say what you still need to learn. Every loss of confidence is a lesson. Learn this one.
Here are the nine basic rules (NBR) of how to deal with lost confidence.
THINK what went wrong and why. Write it down. Once clear, stop fretting about it.
ASK a good, honest friend or two for sensible feedback on your behaviour. Note it.
KEEP a clear head. Don’t drink alcohol or take mind altering drugs.
ACCEPT your emotional state. It’s quite normal. Expel anger out of your system.
RECALL some of your successes and why they worked. Pat yourself on the back.
DEFINE the new skills you now need in order to do better. Write them down.
SET a couple of simple targets to achieve fairly soon. Put dates on achieving them.
WORK in a place that is comfortable and with people who are reassuring.
SEEK people who have been through a similar hell and survived it. Learn from them.
If you do these things you will soon be back on an even keel. To stay there increase your network of contacts and improve your ability to read people. It is likely that your confidence loss was due to your making poor judgments of others and possibly not having enough ‘others’ to share with. Contacts become friends and friends are an essential part of confidence.
Most lack of confidence stems from not having a life purpose. Examine your purposes to see if they are all tactical wishes. They are of little value unless your longer-term life purpose is clear and realistic. When you have that, your tactical moves define themselves.
You do not need to be a great tactician to have a happy life.
But you absolutely do need to have a good strategy.
Good morning
John Bittleston
A mid-life man told me he had lost his confidence. He followed the NBR. Now he is a leading light in helping others regain control.
What did he say were the key reasons for his becoming so successful? Discipline and creativity. Discipline to drill himself to order. Creativity to become bigger than a set of rules.
16 Jul 2025
