“Normal” is to vocabulary what “Norman” is to ‘calling names’. Perfectly respectable but not particularly motivating. Lots of Norman-named people are lovely. I’ve known some of them myself. I have not, on the other hand, known anyone “Normal”. Thank goodness. Nor would I ever call anyone “Normal”. So insulting. The essence of humanity is diversity or as we used to call it – more attractively, I think – quirkiness. You are you and I am me and we should both be jolly grateful that we are not the same. They’re even trying to make robots not-normal now.
It has never been more important to notice and celebrate the non-normality of people. We always used to. When Harold Macmillan, then Prime Minister of Britain, found himself standing nearby in a House of Commons Gentleman’s urinal he didn’t ask me about my view of world events. He simply said “Nothing like a damn good pee, is there?” He knew how to get the voters on his side.
Several of the people who come to me for help bemoan the fact that they are not normal. I even sometimes point it out to them – not as a criticism, though they often assume that at first. No, I am making the point that they have assets they can develop, distinguishing styles which may allow them to celebrate their individuality while making it their signature at the same time. Having a trowel enables you to plant seed or spread cement on the bricks as you build a new house. It does not facilitate serving pancakes in a restaurant.
AI is forever correcting my English and my grammar when I write. I find such praise deeply rewarding. It poses AI as a judge of the English I know and am busy developing. To paraphrase Prime Minister Macmillan “Nothing like a damn good competitor, is there?” That’s the attitude everyone who wants to do better should adopt. But how to polish the pronouns and gild the glances to make your non-normality a life enhancing and profit producing bonus? Each to his or her own, of course. Here’s a tip to get you thinking. It is not for following slavishly but for mulling in the mind.
Your face at rest is the best label you have. Have you studied it when you are not trying to emulate enthusiasm or horror? Use a mirror to test the clues it sends. That is you. You can do what you like with it now you know who you are seen to be. Not by cranking up a smile or eyebrowing a frown. Your face’s message is ‘you’ but it is not ‘about you’. It is about the other person. The other person will read it as being about both you and them. But in using it to send a message you will do best to think about something else – the outcome of the contact.
You do this naturally for casual, social contacts. For more serious ones you need to think quite carefully. An example of this is how I admit my fear of doctors by joking with them. As you realise, your health is not a laughing matter so better not to. But my inner fear is pain so I try to alleviate it by being light hearted. The subtlety of our facial expressions is something we should teach the young. It will play a big part in their lives.
Don’t try to be normal. Make your non-normality work for you.
PM Macmillan did, most effectively.
You can do so too.
Good morning
John Bittleston
Who you are is the most interesting exploration you can do.
Like to share it with us at [email protected]? Please feel free.
21 November 2025
