Competition has played a big part in humanity’s successful development. The challenge of winning, whether to achieve superior speed or to improve the output of the elements, makes a driving stimulus no other living creature has mastered. As with many aspects of our ambitious life we do not see excess approaching in time to control it. ‘More means better’ is a human misconception we all suffer from at some time. Kingsley Amis got it right when he said ‘More means worse’. Not always – but more often than we care to admit.
The pace of life is becoming untenable for many people. It manifests as a critical loss of self-confidence. We see it all the time. From tears to despair, from violence to self-harm, from heart attack to cancer, life’s pressures become penalties we pay for excessive competition. There is an even worse cost, too. Loss of self-confidence is a tragic crumbling of the natural fortitude of the human mind. To see it in people who usually have firm control of their lives and to hear it in words of defeat from victorious entrepreneurs is to encounter true sadness.
We are losing our sense of affection. Not just the givers, the receivers, too. So what is affection? A feeling of liking, caring, or tender attachment applied to other creatures individually or collectively. It is expressed through gestures, words and touch. It is essential to emotional bonding and social connection. If it goes altogether we shall lose an aspect of humanity that is critical for maintaining personal and international peace. We are already at war.
Affection reduces killer stress, improves physical and mental health and develops trust – all matters which need more attention today than they have for a long time. A hug will lower anxiety by releasing oxytocin thereby increasing happiness, everyone’s goal in life. In many ways a hug is a modern prayer. Life would improve if we could accept that and behave to show that we did. Perhaps we could think every day “If true affection cannot equal be, please grant the greater gesture comes from me.”
Are there downsides to affection? Certainly. It can be false, acting to gain advantage. True affection is more robust than that, is disciplined and does not use sentimentality to promote its cause. Affection can also be interpreted – rightly or wrongly – as a sexual advance. If it is used falsely this way it destroys trust and so is counterproductive. Real love is expressed through affection, too, especially affection that perseveres and lasts. Be careful not to mistake attention for affection however similar they appear. They are different species.
Laws are passed to ensure affection isn’t shown where it might be misunderstood as an invitation to sex. This is understandable in the light of Epstein-type coverage and the abuse of social media. The problem is that these laws become hard and fast rules which can make them as dangerous as the behaviour they are protecting from. If ever there was an area of life where common sense is needed to apply personal decency and acceptable morals, affection is it.
In the 19th Century the poet Longfellow said “Affection was never wasted”.
Perhaps the world will learn that over again.
It would help a lot of people if we could.
Good morning
John Bittleston
What is your opinion? We’d love to hear it at [email protected].
12 May 2026
