Social media has made us more engaged with others than ever before. Less genuinely engaged, too, if you understand what engagement is. What does the word mean to you? If you were hoping to win someone’s notice it would mean paying attention to them, maybe flattering them a little, taking an interest in their lives, thoughts, views and behaviour. You would also assess their social status, their wealth, their health, how intelligent and educated they are, their selfishness and generosity. You would read them as accurately as you could.
How would you engage them to arouse their interest?
You’d enable them to understand you, partly by asking questions and also, importantly, by telling them about yourself. You’d dress nicely, make yourself look pleasant, smile, raise issues that would give them a chance to express themselves. Perhaps above all you would exude interest in them and project your own character. Interest is Care and Character is Confidence. Nothing connects people with more commitment than Care and Confidence.
It is not easy to communicate either by social media.
Care must be genuine. Phoney care is so transparent, insulting and trifling that it does more damage than good. If you want an example of true care look at Mother Teresa of Calcutta. The poorest of the poor knew her care. It carried their spirits right up to the moment of death. Care doesn’t always mean goodness or moral value. Rasputin was a wicked man in the court of Tsar Nicholas II at the start of the 20th Century. He was also a caring person. His devotion and attention kept the haemophiliac son alive long after the disease would have killed him.
Interest can be whimsical. Nothing wrong with that. Our lives are full of trivia and still meaningful and worthwhile. Interest becomes fruitful when it is caring. Very often we cannot do practical things to help people we know to be in difficulties. Sometimes that frustrates our intention to care. Don’t let it. Caring has a special message of its own. It needs no wealth or proximity or gesture of extravagance. To care deeply is a brilliant signal of hope.
Are care and confidence just social advantages to make life pleasanter? Certainly not. Both are powerful tools in the world of business and politics. In these arenas they mean Quality and Revision. Look at any business failing from poor quality control and imagine what some C&C could have done for it. I saw a business stagnate for many years because the C&C was subordinated to cost control. I call it the grass eating the donkey.
How do you develop and cultivate care and confidence?
Since we are all self-protectively selfish the best way to do so is to imagine yourself in the situation of the person who needs care. Not just a peep-show look as with transient news items but a thorough self-examination of what would be your concerns, priorities, hopes and fears if you were in that situation. Gaza is a good place to start and Antony Blinken, the American Secretary of State, is a good example to study. I think of two clients in this context. One, mid-career, narcissistic, anxious to get a convenient job for her own comfort. The other, mid-career, concerned more about his wayward spouse and children than about himself. Anxious not to job seek while sorting out the lives of these people before attending to his own.
The irony is that he will end up the happier of the two. Why?
Because he cares and has confidence about his priorities.
What a lesson.
Good morning
John Bittleston
I mask examples of clients so that you shan’t be able to identify them.
That doesn’t mean the clients can’t identify themselves.
5 Sep 2024
