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If you stop by Loch Ness, Scotland, at dawn or dusk on a quiet early summer day you will find one or two couples scanning the water with their binoculars, searching for a monster. Fortified by a strong single-malt Scotch they will search endlessly for a ripple that might signify movement below, or for a switchback shadow that implies monstrous uprising from the depths. Alas, their search will be in vain.

If, however, you alight on the shore of the Sea of Politics (Oceania Politicosis), your own Monster Search will be more swiftly rewarded. Carnivores congregate here salivating for a sniff of human ennui, lustful that they will taste political blood, breathless to ravage the less attractive sides of humanity. There will be a Trump of Truth-about-face, a De Santis of Face-about-truth, a Farage of Frigidity, a Putin of Pusillanimity, a Truss of Mistrust, a Boris of Boorishness, a Netanyahu of Negatives and plenty more.

Where have all these monsters come from?

Like the Komodo dragon they’ve been around for a long time. They are a species bred from the loins of the inhabitants of early, pre-village encampments, built for the simple purpose of self-identification. These settlements grew into liberal enjoy-your-food kampungs in Asia and conservative keep-warm-together communities – such as Creeksville Village – in Europe and America. Head of the community was always a little old man, slipping slowly into his dotage, kept in power by a couple of overweight thugs known as the Mythical Mafiosi.

To be seen as a member of one of these early constituencies you needed hysterical fanaticism for any cause not directly associated with the annihilation of the sponsoring group. The more outrageous your demands, the higher up the village totem pole you were placed. The Head Man – in those days it was always a man – either spoke non-stop drivel or remained totally silent, both postures being regarded as deeply intellectual and masterly commanding.

All that mattered in these early societal institutions was personality. Good or Mad, the top of the totem was only eligible if visible from one of the nearer planets or a rare shooting star. Technology was quickly identified as the way to spread the good news that you might belong for no greater qualification than that you could shout about things you didn’t understand. Violence became accepted as the best answer to another’s point of view. Logic was rapidly dispensed with on the grounds that it could produce credible ideas.

Time, education and de-escalating wisdom of the human race brought The Political Ocean to our doorsteps – in some cases more literally than we wished. Self-identification, the original purpose of the communities, became self-interest. Neanderthal behaviour reappeared as social media. Freedom to pollute was questioned and found totally acceptable in the interests of amortising the heavy investments in it. Purpose was identified as ‘more’ – ‘of what?’ being regarded as a childish question unworthy even of a school examiner’s attention.

Creativity was assigned to artificial intelligence once mediocrity had become everyone’s end goal. Appreciation was replaced by Sensitivity to anything that could be considered slightly politically controversial. This led to the passing of increasingly complex laws administered by legal and justice systems so intricate that only AI genre lawyers could handle them. The Amazon RainForest was chopped down to provide the paper necessary to record the results.

Tech weapons of hatred, popular for a short time when there were no active wars in play, were soon replaced by robotic life-partners as substitutes for wives and husbands. The most popular version was ‘Guaranteed no Irritating Habits’. It was quickly superseded by ‘Confirmed Annoyances’, a clever reversion manufactured by the indomitable Lego-Of-Me company.

All was not lost, however. An aspirant prophet announced the reinvention of ‘People’ to be created by Loving Couples prepared to dedicate themselves to encouraging the young to be kind and thoughtful. Politicians were banned from membership of the new order.

The only tiny snag was the Head Person, S/He was guarded by two very large monsters. It was rumoured that they had surfaced in Loch Lomond.

Nobody seems to know if that is true.

Good morning
John Bittleston

Please do not take this Daily Paradox too seriously.
On the other hand, maybe you should.
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